2009
My parents had me when they were 17. They did get married, but it only lasted for 3 years. From then on I lived with my mother. I don't recall seeing my Dad a lot after that for many years. I do recall a lot of time spent with his parents.My father moved on and started a new family. He had 3 more children. Due to unfortunate events, we never got to spend a lot of time together while I was growing up. I had a child of my own and made a life for myself. In the last 10 years we had gotten closer than We had been my entire life. When we talked on the the phone it would end with I love you, and it had meaning. When we saw each other, before we said goodbye We would hug and say I love you.
On June 3rd I got a call, found out my father had died. Not this type of death where you are sick for a while and your suffering ends. But a violent and tragic end to his life. I still don't know what really happened and may never know.
My father had a complicated personality, he was quirky in his own way. To me he was very funny. I never got to see the side of him I have heard so much about since his death. To me he was the guy in the band doing what he loved. The guy that had a sarcastic joke or a way to make fun of something, a comedian. They guy that showed up at my door with a quilt, said him and my grandmother had finished it and wanted me to have it! He was fun and unexpected. Not the every day dad! I am greatful for the memories I have, and the relationship we had.
Some have tried to taint my memory since his death. But trying to make someone look different to a person after their death to gain something or to make yourself look better. To me that is a sad pathetic person. I have had many people that have not seen me before comment on how much I look like him or how much my traits are like him.
I have heard a lot about how he was almost famous twice, how he played with Chris Ledoux, until he got signed and left his band, my father included, behind. How he played with Marty Sutton, and made a CD. I found that CD online. To me he was a person.
I am choosing to go with the good and not the bad. A choice I have been making in my life for the last 10 years. For many who know me, I like to laugh and have fun. I try not to dwell on the negative and find the positive in situations. Does not mean I do not falter in my quest. But all of the negative energy will not prevail. Those with bad intentions, the liars, I see through you. Just because I have not called you on it, I have not been myself to do it. I am still trying to make some sense of the mess things have become. I do know this, the lies, and deciet have no place in my life. Thinking I was stupid enough to believe them in the first place is the first mistake. I will not have that in my life.
I really do not understand the actions of people when someone dies. Everyone has their own different ways of reacting. I have setup a legacy.com for my father. And I am greaving in my way. I heard a song that I think fits, so for you dad...FREEBIRD
Free Bird lyrics
If I leave here tomorrow,
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Bye bye baby, it's been a sweet love. Yea.
And though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it so badly,
'Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame.
And if I stay here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And this bird you can not change.
The Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
Lord I can't change.
Won't cha fly high free bird, yeah.
